i sleep with a pillow smothering my face

I sleep with a pillow smothering my face I like to sleep with the pillow over my face and it just feels so nice.

I know that you are supposed to sleep with a pillow under your head, but I prefer the pillow to cover my face on top of me.

My family tell me that I am just like my racist grandpa.

My racist grandpa hated immigrants but he would hire immigrant cleaners to clean the house that I am living in right now.

My grandpa would verbally abuse the immigrant workers by saying racist things to them and then he would go to sleep with the pillow on top of his face, while the immigrant cleaners are still cleaning.

It excited my grandpa that at any moment, one of those immigrants would just smother him to death.

When they left the house my grandpa would have this huge sense of relief that he survived something.

My grandpa loved playing with death.

I like to sleep with the pillow covering my face because I find it so peaceful.

Yes there is a little bit of that scary element of a pillow covering my face, but I find it so relaxing.

My parents have died now and the house is all mine and I live all alone with no siblings.

Also the house is completely alone in the middle of nowhere, once a week I travel far to do the necessary shopping.

So when I cover my whole face with the pillow, it's so soothing to me.

Then there are times when I have the pillow covering my whole face and it's just me completely alone, I can hear the wind outside and then I can feel the pillow getting tighter around my face and I struggle to breath.

I am completely frightened and then the force and pressure is let go and I can breath.

I am terrified but at the same time I am completely exhilarated by the experience.

I tell my friend to come to my house and to sleep with the pillow on top of his face.

My friend couldn't come to my house as he is so busy but he is going to try sleeping with the pillow covering his face.

His wife calls me in the morning and tells me that he is dead, due to the pillow smothering him.

He was all alone that night as his wife and kids were away all night.

I couldn't believe it.

As I am mourning I sleep with the pillow covering my face, I am completely alone.

I then feel the pillow become tighter and heavier.

I am frightened but excited at the same time, there is also some peace but over all it is scary.

Then the pillow loses all its strength and pressure.

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